Need sex. Gaining weight.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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