I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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