Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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