We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
