I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
