Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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