Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my sisters under your porch take her home
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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