I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
