Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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