You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
