Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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