I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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