Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
