We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
