How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found your dick twin last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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