oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
