Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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