i think my tv is drunk
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
