I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
