Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
