I wanna bring you to show and tell
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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