Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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