Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
