but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
