my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
