You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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