And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
