Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
