this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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