Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
