ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You are the jesus of drinking
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
