Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
