Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
