i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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