Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
