Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it was like having sex with a tree stump
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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