saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
