I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
