real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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