dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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