I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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