either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
