You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
