I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
