Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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