like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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