After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
