what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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