True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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