its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
