sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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