I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
