I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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