is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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