I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
