i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
