my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
