Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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